Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
