hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
