It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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