There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
