sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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