He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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