He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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