There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
