I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
