have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
