Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
