I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
