Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
