I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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