nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize