At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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