I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
