Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
