if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
