Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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