Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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