obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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