everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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