he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize