"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
