Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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