White coat. Heels.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
