Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
