what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
COCAINE IS GR8
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
