Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
