I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
