I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Pants are for mortals
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
