Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
