Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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