Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
