You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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