I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
