my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
