apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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