We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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