mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
