I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
