p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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