Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
