Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
