i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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