Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
