the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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