I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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