Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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