i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
