Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
