cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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