You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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