i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She's the barista slut.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
