Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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