like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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