dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
