I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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