So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
