I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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