Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
