i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize