Umm I'm too high to move.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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