last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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