I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
