I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm at about main and main street
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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