How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
