Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Randomize
