i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
