when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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