pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
