It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
