next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
