My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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