Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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