There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
