I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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