this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
