I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
