he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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