I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
