He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
