god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
