I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
