i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My vagina is officially offended.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
