If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
