Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Randomize
