Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
