I am in a vortex of obligation.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
