he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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