I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
