Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
