stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
