I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
