Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
