I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
