Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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