You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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