i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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