I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
