apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
