so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
