The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
