woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
