i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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