You really coming over, don't trick.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize