So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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