Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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