she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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