I hate your face
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
